♪ (old-school video game music) ♪ (silence) – “Bayonetta?” – Bayonetta 2! – Two wasn’t really gonna get made,
but then Nintendo was like, “Hey, we want exclusives. We’ll pay to make Bayonetta 2
if you make it a Wii U exclusive,” and that’s what they did. – This is one of those characters
in Super Smash Brothers that fights and I’m like, “I don’t know who you are,
but you’re good.” – (Vince) In this game, you play
as the title character Bayonetta, which, with a large array
of weapons and combat styles, was on a mission to save her best friend
from the gates of Hell. – Cool. It sounds fun. – Cool. She’s a powerful witch chick
going to save her friend from Hell. Yeah, I’m ready. – (gruffly) “In a universe
of light and dark, where perception is reality…” – Ooh, shiny. – Are they all frozen? – Groin shot, perfect. – Those, uh, Bayonetta shots–
if you know what I mean. That’s why I don’t play this game. – And they’re in a– whoa. There’s so many things
happening right now. (chuckles) Okay– wow, this is shaking. – It’s very gothic so far. – (narrator) The legend of Aesir…
– The legend of Aesir. – (Vince) All right, go ahead.
– What do you mean, “Go ahead.” What am I supposed to– (whimpers) – Oh my god! What? Wait, so it just leads right into it? – (narrator) Nobody knows
where the world came from. – Da da da da da da! – (narrator) A struggle
caused the Trinity of Realities to be split into three realms: – Ooh!
– (narrator) Light, darkness– – Dang. Okay, this is pretty sick. – (narrator) Obviously, our world
was the one born from chaos. The three worlds all needed rulers.
– Okay, I got it. (whimpering)
– (narrator) Most of all, ours. – This is so intense. – (narrator) And the one that ruled
the chaos became known as Aesir. – I’m missing the entire plot
because I’m trying just not to die. – If I just press
X and Y until it’s all over, everything will be fine… I think. ♪ (choir sings dramatically) ♪ – She looks like my mom. – There aren’t enough cool,
awesome characters with guns and swords that have glasses. I like that! – (Bayonetta) What? – Oh no, it’s… someone
from a previous game that I don’t know
because I haven’t played it. – Yeah, I have no idea
what the premise of this story is. – That was, honestly,
the most intense opening ever. It’s just like, it just throws you into it. – Wait, is this like downtown New York? I feel like there was a scene change. (Enzo groans) – Oh, is that–?
(Bayonetta slurps on sucker) That’s my character.
She’s so cool! – (Bayonetta) You know what I need?
Some heels without guns. – So classy. – (Bayonetta) You don’t mind
if we make a quick stop, do you? – (Enzo) Do you know what day’s comin’ up? If I don’t get what I came for, I’m gonna be the biggest mutt in the city! – I just don’t know
why she’s dressed so fancy. I mean, if I were gonna go shopping, I’d put on some leggings and a t-shirt. – (Enzo) I’ll never hear
the fuckin’ end of it. – I mean– ooh, who’s that? (Enzo screams)
– Oh no. (gasps) Ugh, oh.
(Enzo screams) (motorbike engine revs) That was intense. – I don’t know who that is,
but that’s on my bucket list. I want to stop on a motorcycle
right before someone and do the nose wheelie– it’s great. – (Bayonetta) You always know
how to make an entrance, Jeanne. – That was the most cliche line. – (Bayonetta) … to see you in the city. – (Jeanne) Just had
something I had to look into. – (newscaster) City police
have closed off roads to prepare for the massive influx
of merry makers expected to take in this year’s festivities, set to be headlined by a flyover
from the military’s aerial acrobatic team… (jet zooms overhead) – Hmm. – Ohp, that’s… that’s not a good sign. – (Enzo) Oh, shit! The Platinum Stars. – Oh, [inaudible]– what?
What’s going on? What? Whoa. – And she just happens to be there. – See? She’s here to save the day. – (Bayonetta) You know I try to avoid
doing this in my Sunday best. – Kick it! Oh-ho-ho-ho! – That’s not how physics works! – And her dress is ruined, and that is why you don’t wear
that kind of stuff when you go shopping. – Okay, wha–? – Witch time. Let’s do this. Yeah, this is witch time.
Everything slows down. (Bayonetta groans) – This just got weirdly sexual. (Bayonetta moans sensually) – WHAT?!
– (in game: battle cry) – Nintendo, what?! – (whispering) Is she naked? Why is she naked? – What, she can just grow clothes? – I hate when games
over-sexualize everything. Just let her be a hero! – Where did she get Pegasus from?
Or is that the bad guy? – (chuckling) Okay. Dang, this game is super sexual. – Are they trying to add
the sexual notes in it just to attract the male players
that are probably playing this game? – I’m just– I’m in utter shock. – “This game can also be
played using touch controls.” – “Touch the enemy to deal a quick punch.” Okay.
(Bayonetta grunts) – Nice. – I just have to touch a bunch of stuff and then I basically killed
the unicorn Pegasus. – (grumbling) Not my style. – Shoot! “Fire away mid combo
by touching and holding–” okay. (Bayonetta grunts)
(rapid gunfire) – “Dodge at the last possible instant
to activate Witch Time.” (Bayonetta casts spell) – Okay. Okay, let’s do this. (Bayonetta grunts fiercely) – Aah, oh my god!
I’m, like, in this now. Okay. Great. – Touch and hold. Yes. – It’s not gonna let him hit me,
so I don’t have to worry about it. – Give me my buttons, sir.
This is an action game. (tapping screen) – This is stupid easy. – This is easy. If I just hold and press
at them until I kill them, then everything’s fine. – This is making me so happy. Like, all pent up aggression. (gunfire)
– That was cool. – (Bayonetta) Now it’s time to be naughty.
– (laughing) ♪ (Hiroshi Yamagushi, “Tomorrow Is Mine”) ♪ – ‘Cause it’s Christmas! – “Umbran Climax.” – “Attack enemies
to build your magic gauge, then use your built up energy
to unleash amazing special attacks.” Cool. (Bayonetta grunts) – This is like a hardcore dirty version
of that app Tap Tap Revolution. – Tapping rapidly should not be hard. I’m– where do your clothes go
when I do that?! Why do they disappear? (Bayonetta grunts) – Skills. (gathering energy) – Gigaton! (gathering energy) – I did it. Now what? – Oh, it’s the giant guy again. – What? Where the fuck did you come from? – Is that girl from the beginning? (building crumbles) – (gasps) Oh, that thing’s huge. – Do I have to do anything now?
Oh, now I have to fight again. Whoops. – This game is so fun! I’m just having a bunch of fun,
like, button mashing. (blade slicing) – You don’t even need
to use the analogue stick. You just touch them
and she goes over to them. – Torture attack?
(gasps) Oh my god! I am so sorry! – Oh, there we go.
Oh, tor– whoa-ho-ho-ho! Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That was sick. – Okay. (button mashing) How come they keep appearing?
How many of them are there? – Let me dodge. (Bayonetta grunts) What the fuck was that? – I love this game. The only downside is that it’s too sexual. For some people, that’s a plus.
For me, it’s not. – Touch the Umbran Climax. Okay. I mean, that was cool.
She had a demon eat them. That’s effective. – Oh my god! It’s like a dragon in New York City.
We’re causing so much destruction. – It’s like The Avengers
movie at the very end, where everything’s falling down.
That’s what it is. – Touch. – Train tracks? It’s a solid battle place. – Ah, dodge.
Oh, okay, good. – Get away from me! How do I even attack him?
He’s too big. – This giant thing is attacking,
but I’m gonna kill him first. (Bayonetta grunts) – What the hell was that out of her face? (Bayonetta grunts)
– Da da da da da! – This game’s crazy!
I’m on a train… and it’s like everything’s
getting destroyed. Like, “No, I don’t care.
I’m just beating this angel-demon thing.” – And there’s another person?
How many people do I have to kill? – And she’s survives this somehow. Because it’s all in slow motion. – (Bayonetta) That was quick.
– Witch Time? Did you get everything? – (Jeanne sighs) Forgot the caviar.
– (stiffly) Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. See, ’cause they’re
upper class people in New York. So funny. (explosion) – What is that? It’s like it never stops. – (Bayonetta) Well,
it’s not Christmas without caviar. – Uh, yeah it is. There’s a lot better things
to eat than caviar. – (Bayonetta) Let’s finish
this quickly then. – “Let’s finish this quickly.”
(clicks tongue) So bad ass. – I thought he’d died,
like, five times already. (Bayonetta grunts) – Why are there lips on his knees? Does that mean
I’m supposed to target that? (Bayonetta grunts)
– This game is so fun. This game, I can play this for a while. – This is one of those boss battles
where it’s not difficult. It just takes forever. – Why isn’t she always with me?
We’re so much better when she is. – And I still have to be pressing
the right things at the right time. Oh, I died? I don’t even know how that happened. (Bayonetta grunts) – The witch hunts are over? Oh no! I died. Why, I oughta… (Bayonetta grunts) – Oh, Punish. Gotta punish. Get punished! – I need to kill you. – Kill him! – This is like anime,
like Dragon Ball Z, like, “(humming).” – I’m winning. I almost killed him. I’m really close. (Bayonetta grunts) – (Bayonetta) Yeah!
– Yay. I get to keep playing. – “Climax”? – Yes! Yes! Yes! – Yay! (Bayonetta cries out)
– I beat the giant. – Why do her clothes have to disappear? And what is that thing? (monster shrieks) – Did her dress just create a black hole
with a dragon in it? – Oh, aaah.
(button mashing) – This is awesome. This is great. Ten outta ten.
Mmm. Good job. Beautiful. – How nice. I’ve always wanted a pet dragon. (sucking air through teeth) – (sharp sigh) This is never ending. – (Bayonetta) Cereza! (Jeanne grunts)
– (gasps) No! Oh no, her spirit-body. – Do they have, like,
ghost forms of themselves? – She’s, like, getting pulled to Hell! (Jeanne shrieks) – (gasps) No! – (Bayonetta) Jeanne!!
– No! No! We didn’t have our caviar party. – (Bayonetta) I’m not one for pets
who don’t listen to their masters. – Now we have to fight this. – Why am I fighting my pet dragon? – He needs an orthodontist, stat. It looks really pretty and interesting,
and the story seems cool, but the game itself just isn’t fun to play. – Dang, this is so sick!
This is so sick! This is just the intro. If the rest of this game is half
this awesome, then oh– like, ah. ♪ (choir sings dramatically) ♪ – Listen, dragon. You need to chill. – I feel mean for killing my pet,
but it, like, sucked my friend into Hell and that’s not forgivable. No, don’t suck me in too! (Bayonetta grunts) – I don’t know what
I’m hitting, but I’m hitting it. – He’s almost dead.
(Bayonetta grunts) (tapping) Yes. (monster shrieks)
Whoa. – Okay, touch.
(monster shrieks) Oh, this is pretty epic. – It’s so sick. Yeah, I should probably buy this game. (Bayonetta cries out)
– She– her hair again?! – Taking my clothes off again
so I can destroy it with my clothes. – Even when her best friend is in Hell,
she still looks so smug. – Oh, did she activate another demon
to take care of this demon? – I killed my dragon. (roaring) – That’s a duex ex machina
if I’ve ever seen one. – But now she has to go save
her friend, Jeanne, right, or (heavy accent) Jeanne? – And there’s me.
(rain falls) (gasps) She’s back! – Wait, did– okay, that’s
just the friend’s body though. – (Vince) And that’s it for today.
– That’s it? – It was repetitive.
It didn’t have a good tone. It was kind of cheesy. And it was just kind of stupid overall. – Lewd for a Nintendo game. Language for a Nintendo game. It says Nintendo, but I don’t
wanna believe this is a Nintendo game. – I would say, overall, I liked it
more than I disliked it. I liked how there’s a girl action figure, even if she sometimes is sexualized. But, I mean, you win some, you lose some. – Props to Nintendo for making this happen. This is a solid game right here.
This is a solid game. – Thanks for watching
Gaming on the React channel. – Button mash that Like button. – What should we play next?
Let us know in the comments. – Subscribe or my hair dragon’s
gonna kill you, I guess. – “Bye-yonetta.” Okay, I gotta leave before I even forget
how bad of a pun that was. ♪ (old-school video game music) ♪