(static) Grizzled Trucker:
Heh, look at these greenhorns.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Calm down. Calm down.(nasally voice)
Don’t squirt your jeans.Heh. What seems to
be the trouble? – Oh, thank goodness.
You’re a lifesaver. We have been having a dickens
of a time trying to get someone
to stop. Get him. – Eh, what?
What, what did you say? – Oh, no, I sorry. (laughing)
No, I wasn’t talking to you. (yelling) Get him! Grizzled Trucker:
Son of a dick. It’s a trap!– Howdy, partner! – I ain’t gonna be lunch
for no degenerate cannibal. – We’ll see about that,
Grizzly Fattams. (torch cutting) CrapChute:
Screw you, cupboard. GoutMouth:
Yeah! [bleep] this table! I hate you chair! Whoa, whoa!
That’s an antique Windsor!
It’s a really nice piece. CrapChute: Woo! We got two
prizes in this happy meal! -(gun zaps)
-(grunting) – Breaker, breaker. 10-33! I’m
being ruthlessly attacked by– – Uh, cancel that 10-33.
This is the same voice
and we’re clean and green here. All good in the neighborhood.
Over and out. -How we doing, Dallas?! -Great! Just snatchin’
and grabbin’. -I always knew you’d make
one hell of a cannibal. – Hey, they got
eyeballs on us. – Not anymore. (smash) (music) Carol:Alright you maniacs.Calm down, calm down… now I know we can all get
lost in the day in, day out routine of huffing
butane, hijacking trucks,
and eating drivers. But still,
every once in a while things just come together
perfect, don’t you think? (bikers cheering) Now usually we can’t get a truck
back to the asteroid belt here without burning the engine
to shit… Now, I’m looking at you,
GhostPepper. But thanks to our dear
friend, Dallas Moonshiner,
we’ve finally done it. Wooo! Yeah!! Party your asses off tonight,
monsters. For tomorrow… we ride! (bikers cheering) – Great job, GoutMouth. Careful with that hamstring,
CrapChute. You know it sister! You two did good out there. – Oh, thanks! You know what,
it was a team effort and I– – Mop the damn floor,
DumbNuts. – Yeah, y’all ain’t
earned your colors yet. – You know, I’m not wild
about my biker name. I was kinda hoping it would
be a little cooler sounding
than DumbNuts. You know, like SmashMouth,
or SlapChop over there. -Hey, SlapChop!
-S’up. – Remember honey,
you get what you get,
and you don’t get upset. – And I don’t know if you
noticed, but there’s a certain sexual innuendo that could be
derived from your handle, that well, as your husband,
I am a little uncomfortable
with. – Look DumbNuts, we gotta do
whatever it takes to survive. Honey, when we’re alone
you can just call me Clark,
you know. Or, Muffin Top. No! (whispers)
We have to stay
in character. – Right. That’s a good instinct,
Helen. I mean,
BoneBox. (laughs) You know, I think this mop
is just a scalp duct-taped
to the end of a pipe. (door slides open) Ohhh. The bouquet of bodies
always smells so good. – Mmmm, yeah, I was skeptical
about eating people at first, but ScabPicker is a magician
with his dry rubs. – Ah, thanks Dallas. (whispers)
The secret is coriander. I’m so glad you’re here,
Dallas. You’re like the little sister
I never bludgeoned to death. Oh, I feel the exact same way. Ah, these last two weeks
have felt like old times, like back when we were
racing together. Everyone said I was crazy
to take you in and let you
join my crew. And you know what
I said to them? Something measured? I just punched them right
in the throat and said, Hey. Dallas would never dream
of crossing me again. I trust her,
and you should you too.
And then I killed them. Wait, you did that to everyone? Now, I may be stern,
but I gotta be a lot
more fun than that overgrown
front-loader you came
here with last time. You never told me what
happened between you two. Well long story short,
after I got screwed over
on that Mars race, Robo was all feelings, like, (imitating) What do you
mean you lost The Overdrive? What do you mean
you lost The Overdrive? That’sourtruck! What right do you have to bet
things that are ours?! I’m sorry, Robo.
I made a mistake. Well you make too many
goddamn mistakes and
I’m sick of it. Robo, please!
Don’t do this! No! Sometimes I think I’d
be better off without you. Oh yeah, well guess what,
Unlikable Iron Giant. You’re gonna get the
chance to find out. Plot twist.
I’m outta here! Wait, Dallas.
No. I overreacted. You can’t go. It’s dangerous
out here for me. I’m too scared. It’s too late, Robo.
You went too far this time.
I’m gone forever! Fine, then go. Just get out of here before I
start leaking oil all over the
place like a big diaper baby. Really?
He said all that? Yeah, it was pretty much that…
More or less. Ha, ha! That sounds
like an AI alright. Whiney little bitches,
ain’t they? Yup. They’re the worst.
You were the only one who
never judged me. Heh, heh, hey,
gotta let Dallas be Dallas. Ah you know, with all the dough
we just scored, I guess we don’t need to go out
and pillage for awhile. Maybe me and you go on
a little va-cay? I hear they’re calling Europa
the Florida of outer space now. Ooo, heh, hoo.
That sounds real elegant. But we can’t rest on our
laurels just yet. Besides, that heist
wasn’t for the money.
Screw the money. We just wanted the truck. Oh… Neat? Yup. And with you
behind the wheel we can finally pull off
that raid on IO I’ve
been dreaming about. Raid on IO?
What’s on IO? Oh, you’re gonna
love it, Dallas. (grunting) If I’ve said it
once I’ve said
it a million times… …Dallas and Carol
are best friends forever. Mmmm, mmmm.
You know it, Bestie. Hey, you animals!
If you’re gonna fight you gotta
put those beers on coasters! (vomiting) Welp, that taste is permanently
etched into my brain.Robo, Uncle Danny,
whoever gets this.Listen, I’ve infiltrated
the cannibal bikers.I have a way to capture Carol,
I just need to get her alone
for five minutes.Then I can bring her in
for the bounty.With that money,
I can buy back The Overdrive.I can fix everything.Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell
you guys what I was doing,but I knew you’d never
let me go.After what I did,
I felt like… (sighs) I felt like I had no choice.
So, don’t worry about me.
I’m safe. At least for now. End video message. Send. Why is it still recording? Send.Ugh, these stupid things.
Stop recording.End. El stop-o!
Quit. Command-S!-Oh, it’s a button.
-(recorder beeps) Oh, c’mon c’mon c’mon, c’mon! SlapChop:Hey, what’s going
on in there?Uhh…
just handling my business.Niiice. Heh, mind if I hang
out and listen for a bit?What?! (gasps)
Oh, shit!Ohhh yeahhhh!(laughing) Shut up. (recorder zaps and
powers down) Damnit. -Look, the simple fact is–
-Are we doing this again? -The fact is–
-Are we really doing this again? Yeah,
we’re doing this again. Because the facts
are the facts and
the facts don’t change. Oh, Jesus Christ,
I don’t think I can listen
to this shit anymore. Listen, we can’t afford it,
Charlie. -We just can’t afford it.
-This is ridiculous. I don’t even know why
I’m still here.
I’m going to leave. -I’m leaving.
-Bullshit. You’re not
gonna leave– -Don’t do that to me.
-I’m just saying– -Don’t threaten me.
-I’m not threatening you. -It’s logic.
-Oh, you want logic, Bob? A mine needs miners
to mine the damn ore.
It’s that simple. -Things are never that–
-Yes they are. But for some reason you want
to throw it all away. You’re being an asshole,
Charlie. I’m being an asshole?
I’m being an asshole?! Oh, so you agree with me. Screw this. The union is
calling a strike in the
morning. It’s done. Come, c’mon now,
you’re making a mistake. Nah, nah, nah,
nah it’s done.
I’m sick of this. You’re sick?
You make me sick! See you in a month when
you come to your senses. Goddammit, Charlie!
The mines are hot now!
The prices are high now! Well my guys need
health insurance now! That’s not going
to happen! Why? Because you’re
a greedy son of a bitch, or because you don’t give a
shit about anyone who works
for a living? Screw you, Charlie!
This mine is my life
and you know it! (Charlie sighs) It’s funny.
We’re back here again. Yeah, it’s pure comedy. (softly) No, I mean it.
What happened to us? I sang at your wedding. I remember. Terry Jacks,
Seasons in the Sun.No, no, I mean.
I sang at your wedding…
And now this. What if overtime
started at 45 hours
instead of 40? What? -Would your men agree to that?
-Maybe. I don’t know. Why? Cause, if you could
do that, I can do health. -You could do health at 45?
-The numbers are tight, but if I tinker with pension,
you know, I think I can make
it work. I mean, I mean the guys are
going to rake me over the
coals on overtime, but… yeah.
I think I can do that. -Okay.
-Okay? Yeah, okay. -Do we? Do we have–
-We got a deal. -Holy shit.
-(both laughing) -There’s one more thing.
-One more thing? Bob: One more thing. -What’s in that box, Bob?
-You’re not going to believe it. -Is that the same bottle from–
-The same bottle. I haven’t seen
Tennessee Whiskey in- You can’t even buy it anymore.
The grains went extinct. To old friends. Charlie:
And one hell of a deal. (screaming) Ha, ha, ha!!
Barbecue’s on the
menu tonight! (screaming) Please,
I have a family! Are they here on IO?
‘Cause they sound delicious. -(screaming)
-Screw you, Jupiter’s moon! GoutMouth:
Yeah! [bleep] these rocks! -(GoutMouth laughing)
-I hate you, mine shaft map! Whoa, hey! We need that!
You’re doing this all wrong,
You broke my nose! I did you a favor, Gonzo.
Now C’mere! Please stop!
I’m very scared! Play dead, you idiot! Woo, hoo, Dallas!
You’re really getting into this!
I like it! I just love being a cannibal
so much. Roar! C’mon, you and me
got a special mission. Not you, SwampGuts. Awww, man.
This is stupid… Oh, no,
did we miss everything? Darnit! We always get stuck
cleaning out the damn bike
pans when the action happens. I’d like to bike up your
damn pan, pretty lady. -(bikers laughing)
-Whoa. I know we’re all lawless
criminals here, but before we took our
cannibal biker vows, BoneBox and I took the
sacred vows of marriage. Honey. Stay-in-character. Oh, right. Uh. Hey everybody! Step right
up! Who wants to rail my wife? -Clark!
-No. You’re right.
I over-corrected. Ix-nay on the ife-way ail-ray!
(laughing) But we’re still cool. We’re
still hanging out, we’re all
friends. Right? Carol:Hey, little gopher.I think you found yourself
digging in the wrong hole. Um… Great idea, Dallas.
Keep him alive so the
meat stays fresh longer. And now for why
we’re really here. Whoa, what’s behind a door like
that? Star Wars collectibles? Ha. Stupid guess. Dallas,
let me ask you something. Would your average biker gang
steal a truck full of cash and
just toss it into the fire? I wouldn’t think so,
before today. And would your average biker
gang raid a mine and not steal
any of the ore? What’s the right
answer here? No? Well, as you’ve probably
figured out, I’m not running
your average biker gang. So why do I do
these things? Were you a latchkey kid,
perhaps? It’s ’cause
I’m a big thinker. See, I’ve had my eye on
this score for a coon’s age. I’ve just never had a truck
to haul it, and never had a
driver worth a damn. And wouldn’t you know it,
now I’ve got both. I’m sick of living on
that damn asteroid, staring at those walls
of rhodium. Did you know you could use
rhodium to turn a mining
drill into a particle weapon? That sounds
vaguely familiar. What do you think is
behind that door now? Uh. Dynamite. No, not dynamite.
Did you listen to
a single word I just said? No, the dynamite! Riiiight. (laughing) (explosion) (grunting) Holy hell. Recognize these bad boys? I don’t know if I’m
gender roles to weapons of mass
destruction. Ha, ha! Classic Dallas.
C’mon, babe. Let’s load
up the truck. It’s time you and I
take over Mars. I gotta admit.
I’ve always hated trucks,
but this is nice. Plush seats,
no space mites. I can see why you pussed out
and quit racing. Well, it was more of an opt
out, than a pussed out– D’oh, I know what’s going
on here. You’re nervous!
Well that makes sense, really. We’re heading down to
take over Mars and kill
everybody in sight! Well, anyone would be nervous! Yeah, I’ve been thinking about
that, and maybe we should– Oh, I’ll tell you what, Dallas. During the raid, I’ll let you
take care of the Moonshiner
Trucking crew. There’s no better way to say
goodbye to your old life than by setting your friends
and family on fire. Yeah that’s…
rife with symbolism. I thought
I was your fire guy. -I can have two fire guys!
-Two fires guys? Now I’ve heard everything. You know what they say?
If you have two fire guys,
you have no fire guys! -Whoa! What the hell’s going on?
-Ahhhh!!! Oh no! The stabilizing
microchip must have blown out. Damnit! The only thing
I hate more than trucks
is computers. And vegetables. Oh wait! Good news! I know a
garage near Mars. We can fix it. Well get on it, Ginger Snap!
I ain’t losing these drills. Ooh. This is startin’
to feel nice. (music) Shine On Phobos Power. -(electrical zapping)
-Whaa-ohhh. Robots, huh?
Ain’t that a kick in the crawl. Everyone spread out, we’re
looking for a stabilizing chip. They come in a bright orange box
that says, um, Stabilizing Chip. They should have a ton of them.
Just look everywhere.
All over the facility. Look everywhere but right
over here. I’ll check over
here by myself. Okay BoneBox,
if we’re the ones who
find this microchip, I think we’ll finally
be in the clear. No more mopping bloody floors,
no more bleaching bones, no more trimming
biker beards… I actually kind of
like trimming the beards. Really? Oh.
Maybe I’ll grow mine out. Ooh.
With your chin?
No… (grunting) Screw you,
rum raisin ice cream! Yeah, [bleep] these
dirty dishes! -(dishes breaking)
-I hate you vanilla extract! -Yeah!!
-(bottle breaks) Aww, c’mon guys?!
I watched your smashes! Hey, I know this guy. Really? That’s
I’m a huge fan of his. Oh, you like racing, huh?
You know I used to be a
mechanic, right? Yeah, but you never
talk about that time
in your life. Well, nobody asks. Can I be totally honest with
you for a second, boss? Well, of course you can,
ScabPicker. That’s why you’re
my number six in command. Well, sometimes you can
be a bit unapproachable. That’s ’cause I have to put up
a certain air for the troops. A tough face so
they’ll respect me. The guys already respect you,
Don’t be silly. (angrily) The hell
you just call me?!?! -(gun zaps)
-(ScabPickers grunts) (paper rustles) Huh, you don’t say… Ohh, am I glad to see you. (doors slide open) (turns radio on) Robo, Robo.
You got your ears on? (static)Dallas…Is that you?
(static) Robo! It’s me, Dallas!
I need your help! (static)…such an asshole.
(static) Look, I know I was an asshole.
But I’m trying to make it right. (static)You’re not gonna
get away with this…(static) I’m not trying to get away
with anything! I’m trying to
fix things but I need your help. (static)Dallas, I’ll call you
back!!(static) What?! I’m not a
“call you back” friend. I’m a drop everything and help
even though I was a jerk and we
haven’t talked in weeks friend. -(static)Screw you!(static)
-(hangs up) (scoffs) He hung up on me?!
What an asshole. Ugh, I guess I’m the asshole. Alright, now where is it?
I should have a whole box
here somewhere. (gasps) Boom-shaka-laka. What?! Oof, I guess I did
more knockout whippits than
I remember. Why didn’t someone
try to stop me? Oh. Here’s a polaroid
of Robo trying to stop me. (Freddy whimpering) Ugh. Only one person
cries like that. (whimpering continues) Freddy, get out here. Oh! Dallas?! Oh!!
You’re a cannibal biker now?! Don’t eat me,
I’m all hair and gristle! I’m not a cannibal, Freddy.
I’m under cover. What are
you doing in here? When all the bikers landed
I got scared so I hid here
in The Overdrive. Did you know that the food
printer in here is broken? I feel like you should’ve
disclosed that when I
took possession– Shut up! Listen,
you gotta help me catch
Carol The Biker King. Catch her? Dallas, I know you look up
to me, but I’m not always the big tough macho guy
you think I am. I think we should
just run away. No. Carol is planning to
take over Mars. -(sliding door opens)
-We can’t let that happen. Shazbot!
Someone’s coming! Shh! Be quiet! -(sliding door opens)
-What’s going on in here? Oh thank God, I thought
you were real cannibal
bikers for a second. Dallas, what are you
doing in here? Look, I’ve been faking
it the whole time,
just like you guys. If we don’t all want
to end up covered
in coriander, we’ll have to work
together to take
out Carol. We do that, the rest of
these bikers wander away
like idiot toddlers. I don’t know, Dallas.
It seems pretty– Shut up, Freddy.
You’re in. He’s in. What do you guys say?
Are you with me? (silence) Oh, thank goodness.
We’ve been waiting for an
opportunity just like this. Yeah.
We’re all in. Right there looks like the spot.
I’ll meet you in ten minutes. -You got it, boss.
-(sliding door opens) Whoa,
what happened here? Oh, just a little
No biggie. Well that’s what I wanted
to talk to you about. I had a little idea I
wanted to pitch you. Now, I know you’re the king,
obviously. We all do,
you’re the best. But once we take over Mars,
I’d like to throw my hat in
the ring to be your number two. You know, I’ve always wanted
to be someone’s number two. Hey Carol, Dallas is trying
to backstab you and take you
in for the bounty. What the hell, Clark?!
What are you doing?! My name is not Clark,
it’s DumbNuts. (Carol chuckling) Well, it’s about time
you made your move,
Moonshiner. Well, you think
I’m an idiot? I knew you were planning
to take me down the second
you joined my crew. Uh… Hey, you better
be careful, Carol. Because Freddy, the guy
who runs this place,
he’s a real pyschopath. He makes what you guys do
look like a church potluck. And if you so much as harm
one hair on my head,
he’ll make sure you– Hey Dallas! Freddy! You’re supposed
to be sabotaging the bikes! You know what?
I think we’ve been
double-crossed. Nighty night,
little cricket. -Oohh!
-(thud) (music) Now this is Phobos. And this is Mars. And this is the orbit
around Mars. Now, half of you will strike
from the larboard side while I lead an
from the right. We’ll unload the assault
cannons on Main Street– Oh good, the
are awake. Hey you two, guess
what I found out? Phobos supplies all the
wireless power for Mars. Yep, we sure do.
We power the lights,
the alarm systems, all long range
communications… Shut up, Freddy! Well that’s just perfect,
now isn’t it? We turn off all the power,
and Mars is just ripe for
the picking. All we need are the passwords
for your system. Ha! Good luck sister. Oh, my passwords? Why, they’re my
mother’s waist and
inseam measurements. But was it pre or
post thyroid surgery? Well, that’s fine.
Don’t worry your fuzzy
little head about it. We’ll just blow
up your antenna. That’s impossible!
This whole place
is the antenna. It would take thousands of
charges to blow up Phobos. Zip it, Freddy!
Not another word. Or, I guess just one
if you tossed it into the
reactor core right there. (yelling) Freddy what the
hell is wrong with you?! I don’t know!
I’m a nervous talker.
And sweater. Fine you win Carol,
but you still need
someone to drive the truck. And without the stabilizing
chip, you ain’t going nowhere. Dallas, I was a professional
mechanic for over twenty years. I know trucks don’t need
stabilizing chips. But you’re right about
needing a driver. I can drive your truck. Ugh! What the hell, Freddy?!
You rebuilt Bright Eyes?! With the insurance money
I rebuilt all the robots!
I can’t tell them apart. I ain’t teaming up with
no machine. I hate you
mindless ass-kissers. You are mistaken. I have no interest
in putting my mouth
on posteriors. My only interest
is a future in
which all humans are subjugated
or terminated. Whoa. I like you,
I’ll make you a deal. We get the dead ones, you
can have the ones in chains. That is a
satisfactory arrangement. Alright, then.
Looks like we’re all done here. Just drop a stick of dynamite
into the reactor core and– -Okay, done.
-What’s next? (explosion) -(electrical zapping)
-(alert beeping) Wow. Well, I meant after we
packed up and got on our bikes. But I like the initiative,
you cannibals. Let’s boogie. Dallas: Carol, wait! We’ve known each
other for years.
You can’t just kill me. You’re right, I can’t.
But I can leave you here. If you decide to die when
this moon blows up, well,
that’s on you babe. (Carol laughing) Intercom:System meltdown
in five minutes.-(explosion)
-Freddy: Ooh! Dallas, what’s your
plan to get us out of here?! I… I don’t have a plan,
Freddy. (music) Carol:
Ahh, ha, ha, ha, ha!! (explosion) (music)