Okay, excuse me miss.
I gotta commandeer this vehicle. Yep. I gotta commandeer this vehicle
right now. I gotta commandeer
this vehicle, alright? Y’all have to get out.
Y’all gotta get out. No.
I don’t- Y’all gotta get out. Y’all gotta
get out of the car right now. You know what? But look. But look. But look.
But look. But look. But look. Look at it, okay? Look at that. Sir, based on that- FBI. FBI. FBI. FBI.
Okay. So y’all gotta get
out of the vehicle. Let me have the vehicle. So what is the situation?
Yeah, what- Okay, m’am. [crosstalk 00:00:27]
Okay. Okay, well, let me just …
Okay. You don’t need to know all
the details of the situation. Let me just put a hypothetical
to you though, okay? Okay. Alright. Hypothetically,
there was a dude, okay? And perhaps that dude
was in the middle of robbing a liquor store, right? And maybe he found a safe
and he was like, wow, finally. Jackpot. Six liquor stores,
couldn’t find the safe. Finally found a safe. Right?
And he found a safe, and the dude was cooperative
and he got the money, right? And now that dude
is fleeing the scene as fast
as he possibly can, okay? And you’re trying
to apprehend him? I gotta catch that dude. I gotta catch that dude.
I gotta catch that dude. Okay, what I would say is, is that that is not
an FBI situation. That’s a police
or a sheriff situation, and we have not
gotten that call. Let me take this one
off your hands. Well, you know what? I’m gonna
say thank you for the tip … Mm-hmm.
Right, right. So that we can do our job. Oh, no, no, no.
Thank you, sir. That is real good of you. But did I mention this? Did I mention this
about said gentleman, okay? I don’t know
if I had mentioned this. He is from …
He’s from Kenya. Sure.
Okay? Oh. Which makes it
an international matter, okay? Alright?
He’s a Kenyan refugee, alright? Okay. He’s gonna take that money
and turn it into Kenyan notes and go back to Kenya and take
a bunch of little babies and bring them back here
and sell them. Okay.
I can’t have that. Alright, you know what? Y’all ladies come on out
the vehicle. No, you know what?
I’m gonna let you come- Y’all can move out the vehicle
like this. Here we go. I’m gonna let you commandeer
this vehicle. Yeah. I live it.
But in the backseat. Okay. Alright. Okay? That’s fine.
Why don’t we just go? And I’m gonna tell you where we- You can come down to the station
with us and tell us
all about everything. But before we go to the station,
how about we get as close to the state line
as we possibly can? I’m gonna say why don’t you
give me that again? Take a look at it. And I’m just gonna hang onto it. Okay. Alright. That’s fine.
I’m just gonna hang onto it. But I believe I still have
jurisdiction over you as a member of department
of the treasury. Okay. Yes. Thank the lord. Okay. Hey baby. What’s going on? Bravo. Thank you
so much for coming. So here’s what I wanna make sure
you all understand right now, right off the top.
I called you to report a crime that I don’t have nothing
to do with, okay? Oh, this is a first. I’m not involved in the crime.
I didn’t perpetrate the crime. I didn’t do anything, okay?
I was- Can we get to the crime? Yes ma’am. Yes. We can.
I was minding my own … I was walking down
the street, okay? And I was indeed, I’m not
gonna lie, I’m a vagabond a bit. I’m a little bit of a vagabond. I was looking for shelter.
I found this vehicle. The window was open,
and I climbed in. I climbed into the car. Okay, so you called us to tell
us that you climbed into a car? Yes. I looked in the trunk, and there’s something
in the trunk that I think may be
of interest to you so I made sure
that I called immediately. Okay.
What’s in the trunk? What’s in the trunk? There’s a head.
There’s a head in the trunk. There’s a head.
23-year-old male head. Hypothetically, if I had
severed the head … Yeah, let’s get to that. If I had done it … Okay.
Okay? Then? What would the repercussions be? Hypothetically?
Hypothetically? Just hypothetically
speaking, let’s say I did. If you had done it?
Let’s say I was not me. Let’s say I was
a different person. Let’s do role …
Let’s play role play. You be you.
You’ll be … We’ll be cops. I’ll be me.
We’re gonna be us. Okay.
Okay. I’ll be me, okay?
Okay. We would be like, uh, hold on. Hey, I just cut- Stop. Freeze.
Stop in the name of the law. Don’t move.
Get them damn guns out my way. Don’t move. Freeze. I’m crazy. I’m crazy. And then we would go, boom! Boom!
Boom! There’s a head in that trunk! Oh, lord!
That’s a head in that trunk! And now I’m like, oh,
I’m bleeding. I’m bleeding.
Oh, there’s a head. I hate you, Jerome.
Why did you betray me? Okay, you just said Jerome. Why did you- Stop.
We’re not role playing anymore. We’re playing real life.
Why did you say Jerome? That’s my cousin’s name that
had just come to me right now. Is your cousin living
or is he dead? Well, when you have handle … Is your cousin living
or is he dead? He’s living. He is alive.
He is alive with the lord. Alive with the lord. Get your ass in the car. Hypothetically speaking, you’re about to get your salad
tossed in prison. Oh, okay. Well, thank God
it’s hypothetical. Okay. I figure if they
call it superman XL, that’s gonna make you
some XL, right? This (bleep) it’s like …
I don’t know what it is. It doesn’t do (bleep)
Oh. What the (bleep). Pat me down right now. For real. Pat you down right now? Pat me down right now.
No, for real. Do this, man. What?
Pat me down. Pat you down right now?
You got to do it, man. Why do I not …
I don’t like … There’s something about
this I don’t like one bit. Sir, step away
from the car. Step away from vehicle Okay.
Okay. You want me … Step away from the vehicle.
No, no, no. Put your hands down. Put your hands down
like a normal person. Okay. Alright, I’m gonna
take my hands out of my pocket
right quick. Real, real, real slow. Okay.
Real slow. Real slow, alright? Okay? Y’all understand?
Okay, now look here. Now, I wanted to ask you
both a question. Alright.
Alright. About the contents
of my pockets, okay? Our first question was gonna be, do you have any
illicit substances on you? Substances in your pockets.
All the sudden this is like Jeopardy where the question
gets put to us, and then we have a …
What the hell? Now, okay just-
Throw it down. Set these down. Alright. I’m gonna put this
on the ground. Just set them all down. Set them all down.
Set them all down. Should I put my hands back
in my pocket? No. This time now let’s keep
them up at our sides. Okay. Alright. Okay, let me just set up
a scenario for y’all, okay? A scene, a setting, an example. He’s gonna tell us something.
Yes. Mm-hmm. A gentleman was careening
down the streets, okay? And bumped into me. Moving very quickly. Now listen, man. I don’t know
if y’all believe in God, but I believe in God, okay? And I’m gonna tell you
what happen. Every one of them bottles
have flown up into the air, and they had flown
into my pockets. And that was God knowing
that I was having … I was feeling a little down,
a little blue last week, okay? And he provided you
with five Oxycontin bottles. So the lord … Provided for me. Hey, you wanna
throw those on for me? Okay. Yeah.
Yeah, that’d be great. That’d be great. Thanks. I’ll take a half too.
I’ll take a half too. Nobody in Reno’s in Jeopardy. Oh, you want half? Oh, you took a whole one?
How much you supposed to take? Half. Oh.
I’ll drive. Yeah, maybe you should drive. I’ll drive. I’d be more than happy to drive. You’re good. You’re good. Okay, excuse me officers, okay? I just need to tell you
right now, alright? That this is not
what it looks like. I came here to ask you
a couple of questions. Well, go ahead.
Okay. Okay, yeah,
so hypothetically speaking … Yes?
Hypothetically speaking, okay? Make believe.
Make believe, right? Okay.
Make believe. Make believe. If one were to come across a
wheel barrel like this, okay? Yeah. And this wheel barrel
may have been involved in some kind
of illicit activity that may involve two
or three people wearing masks and one of them may happen
to work at the Metro Casino. That’s neither here nor there. I came diligently
looking for you. Thank God I …
I won’t touch you officer, but if I could I would hug you.
Looking for you just to show you that this could indeed
be contraband involving people. Let me ask you this. If indeed this
was contraband … Yes. And it were involving people … Yes. Would all of the people
he involved, would they all get in trouble? Yes. That’s what they’re born to do. Yeah, I’m sorry. Them windows
don’t roll down back there. Let me guess now. Let me guess. Is that muskrat?
Muskrat? Is that … Damn. You done this before?
That is muskrat. I think I might have … It might be some
subtle hints of elk. Uh, Damn. You should
join the carnival, boy. Yeah, I mean,
you know sometime … You got elk in the trunk.
You got two muskrat. Two muskrat? Okay. You got a couple of beaver, and I think it used
to be possum, but honestly
I can’t tell no more. There’s a little bit
of possum in there. I can smell the possum,
just a touch, a touch of possum. Playful, but robust,
you know what I mean? Yeah.
I’ll get the air conditioning. Oh, no. Yeah.
Air conditioner’s busted. Make sure …
Don’t put it on recycle. Put it on the air
that’s coming in. Oh, it’s busted anyway.
Okay. Sorry about that. Alright. Well, maybe
that’s for the better. You got him, Jim? Son of a bitch. You got him? I lost him. Hey guys. How you doing? Hey, hold on! Freeze! Freeze!
Hold on right there. Good God. Other hand where I can see it. Step out of the boat.
Step out of the boat. Why were you running? I wasn’t running.
I wasn’t running. I was relaxing.
I was taking a repose. You were taking a repose? In the boat. Yeah.
That’s all I was doing. You guys think that I was
running from you? Yes.
Yes. You were running from us.
Why were you running? And we were chasing you. No. No, no. Okay, let me …
Can I ask … May I make an inquiry?
May I make a … Can I ask a question?
I’m not gonna … (bleep) You know what? I wish you would
so I can catch my breath. Hands on your head.
Hands on your head. Okay, hypothetically
speaking … Yes.
Yes. Alright? If you did indeed
see me … Yes? Are you sure that I was not
running with you behind me in the intention
of showing you a crime scene? Is that what …
Was that your intention? That is exactly what I was
doing because … What would- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You were running from us. We said, Freeze. Stop. Get on the ground.
Get on the ground,” and you didn’t because
you were leading us … Leading us to a crime scene? Quickly to a crime scene? Right. And I figured
if I continued to run at the pace
I was running, you guys would get there before
said crime was perpetrated. But you got so far ahead of us
that you thought you’d take a rest,
so you jumped in the boat? In the boat? That’s my 380 right there.
This is yours? Mm-hmm. This is your Beretta 380?
Correct. So you’re saying right now
to me this is yours? That’s your gun?
That is indeed my weapon. So you were running? Mm-hmm.
We were chasing you … I said, “Put it down,
put it down, put it down.” And you did throw a weapon down? And you threw it?
Right. Because I felt that the chase
was not spicy enough, you know? I felt like I really needed
you guys to step it up in pursuit of me.
I’ll tell you what So that we could get to
the crime when it’s happening? Absolutely. If this is spicy enough for you,
I literally (bleep) my pants
about a mile ago. Perfect. See? Once again, would you
rather have me in a pronated or a supinated